Cancer Journey of a Secular Buddhist

I'm just about 3 weeks away from beginning the part of my cancer journey that I've been most looking forward to -- immunotherapy, where we use a drug (Pembrolizumab/Keytruda) to block my lung cancer's ability to evade my immune system, and let my body destroy the cancer by itself. Now might be a good time for a quick recap of the journey so far.  On 4/9/25, I had a low dose lung cancer CT scan which found a suspicious lesion in my right upper lobe.  On 5/15/25 Dr Kai Swenson, did a bronchoscopy biopsy and the lab determined it was cancerous (Non Small Cell Lung Cancer adenocarcinoma). If it hadn't spread my surgeon, Dr. Jennifer Wilson could have removed it and I would be cured, which is just what happened to my sister Moe. So if you know someone who smoked a pack or more a day for 20 years or more, urge them to get annual CT scans, it can save their life.   On 6/2/25, I had a PET scan which found the cancer might have metastasized to my spine (the right transverse p...

Here are some more medical updates on my lung cancer journey... This weekend was for resting and hoping the brain inflammation resolved with steroids, but I've only gotten weaker on the left side and yesterday I needed 2 people to pivot me into and out of bed from wheel chairs. I slept well but am still quite tired. I ordered 2 cups of coffee for breakfast and it has helped.  I'm typing this with my right hand only. Everything takes a lot of effort and is tiring, even thinking of what to type next. I had my second cyber knife radiation treatment today, and my oncology team will meet and update me on the plans and my current progress on Tuesday.  One option is to discharge me to an acute rehabilitation hospital with 3 hours of PT and  OT a day, but they don't allow you to leave the facility to go to to medical appointments, so I would have to pause treatment which I don't want to do, obviously. I'll bring this up with my medical team, but it is an example of the kind...

For those  interested in my cancer journey here are a few updates from today In the morning, I zoomed into the class I'm coteaching and watched my coteacher, Elijah, deliver an excellent lesson on algorithms for proving the validity of Theorems in the full first order predicate Logic. He hit all the main points clearly and got the students engaged. I hope to be giving some of the lectures starting in early October. That's my main goal once the brain metastases have been eliminated and I start on Keytruda immunotherapy! This afternoon, two of my PTs, Mandy and Shelby, taught me how to use the wheeled walker to  leave my hospital room by myself for the first time and walk to the end of the hall and back, about 50 feet total. The trick was to use my left arm to presson the walker bar and use it to raise my shoulder to take the weight off of my unresponsive left leg so I could use my abdominal muscles to swing that leg forward and stand on it, I also used my right arm to lean my b...

First, I want to thank all of my friends (and family), who are reading my blog posts on Facebook and following my cancer journey. I've always used writing in journals to help me process my thoughts and feeling while plotting my way through this wild and precious gift of life. This is the first time I've shared such personal musings in a public forum with friends from all eras of my life and it has been a wonderful and enlightening experience. I deeply appreciate all of the supportive thoughts and the uplifting prayers from all different faith traditions. It reaffirms my sense of being an intimate part of a personal network that spans so many disparate social groups with different world views but a common sense of our shared humanity that transcends our own particular ego-based identities. No matter which groupings we identify with, we're all spiritual beings making our way through the world the best we can, and I feel that common bond in many of the comments you've le...

My step-daughter Shaye completed her New England tour with her New Orleans Jazz band this weekend in Provincetown and took the P-town Ferry to Boston Monday morning, my wife Yas picked her up from the wharf around noon and,  after dropping off her bags at our house, they walked 15 minutes over to my hospital room in Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center.  We had a nice chat for a few minutes and then I had another episode where my left arm started shaking involuntarily.   Its like when you have a constant series of hiccups -- the muscles are firing with no conscious control.  When I massaged my shoulder the spasming stopped but my arm became completely non-responsive, I couldn't lift it or even wiggle my fingers. After 20 minutes it returned to its usual baseline where I could do anything but it was weak and slow and all movement had to be consciously directed.  I couldn't just pickup a cup of water, I had to think about opening my hand, moving it to the cup...

 Yesterday was a calm day. My wife, Yas, and son, Ryan,  came to visit from 11-2. We had a nice time chatting and they got to watch as the EEG technician attached 20 electrodes to my head so they could monitor my brainwaves for 24 hours to look for any seizure activity.  This is my mad scientist look! I had a possible focal seizure in the ER on Saturday morning (9/13) when my left arm jerked around uncontrollably for 2-3 minutes and then went completely limp and unresponsive.  I regained some control of it over the next hour.  They are recording my EEGs to look for any seizure indicators and to record the data if I have another such incident, which I haven't, thank goodness. My daughter, Caitlin, stopped by to chat in the afternoon and we did some EEG experiments. She had me do various mental activities and tried to see if there was a change in the EEG data. The plots show the electrical voltage detected at each of the 20+ electrodes.  Below is the experime...

 Early Saturday morning (8/13/25 at 4am) I tried to standup next to our bed and my left leg collapsed and I had a hard time getting back up due to increasing weakness in my left arm and leg.  We called my daughter Caitlin to help me get down the 20 stairs and into the car. She does Jiujitsu training 5-7 days a week with weight training too, so she's pretty strong.  Yas pulled the car up and Caitlin helped me get in and we got to the hospital around 6 am.  During triage they asked me why I was checking in and I had to admit that I was no longer independently mobile... I felt a wave of emotion unexpectedly rise up and started crying for a few minutes while Yas was parking the car.  Caitlin comforted me and I quickly got back to equanimity... It is what it is and I was able to quickly return to focusing on what I have and not what I've temporarily lost.  The weakness is due to brain swelling after my surgery and once the swelling goes down I should regain all ...

Dr. Hertan, my radiation oncologist called me this afternoon in response to my concerns about worsening symptoms..  She said the CT and MRI brain scans from earlier this week were for radiation planning and not for diagnostic purposes.  She also said there did not appear to be more mets, but there might be some bleeding in the excision cavity and there was a lot of swelling which would account for the motor control issues.   She increased my dose of Dexomethasone to 4mg twice a day.  If it continues to get worse, e.g. I lose all motor control in my left arm, then I should go to the emergency room and they will admit me for more diagnostic tests and IV steroids.  It may however start resolving with the higher dose and a nurse will call me on Monday.  She thinks that the radiation therapy will help me get off the steroids and then the Keytruda will be more effective.   My wife and kids are working full-time, but their hours are spread out, some...

I’m still losing function on the left side of my body. My left arm is getting much weaker and less coordinated, so I'm back to hunt and peck typing with my right hand.  I went to Physical Therapy and they gave me an assistive band which helps me lift my bad leg when using the walker.  I bought a wheelchair too, but my left arm is too weak to use it so it is a transport chair for now.   I’ve put in a call to my neuro-oncologist, Dr. Ho, to see if the CT and MRI scans from yesterday explain what is going on, and to see if she wants to change my treatment plan.  I'll post again when I hear from her, hopefully later today. I’m still mobile as the attached videos show, and I’m optimistic that the motor control will return in due time, but if it continues to degrade I may need to get some in-home nursing support. My strategy for dealing with an uncertain future is to contact my medical team and while waiting for their response, to practice mindfulness.  

 On Monday 9/8, I met with my brain surgeon, Dr Vega, who took out my stitches and said everything looked good.  I also met with my neuro-oncologist, Dr. Ho and let her know that my left leg was feeling a little weak and made my walk with slight limp. She said it was probably because three days earlier I had stopped taking steroids to manage the post-surgery swelling, and it was coming back, so she prescribed another round of dexomethasone which should resolve the symptoms in a few days. Finally I met with my radiation oncologist, Dr. Hertan, who will meet with me on Thursday 9/11 to make a tight fitting mask for the CyberKnife radiation treatment, and have me take CT and MRI scans to guide the computer programs running the Cyberknife X-ray beams! Then today I woke up and my left leg was essentially useless. I could feel everything, but I couldn't move anything below the knee.  I'm hoping, and expecting, that the steroids will start to reduce the swelling in the next few ...

I'm hoping that by sharing my journey it will help others if they or their loved ones need to face serious illness, just by giving another way of looking at life and death. Also, all of the positive vibes and   supportive thoughts are really helpful for me and my family. It's really nice for me to reminisce about all of the interesting people I have been able to know and love in my 70 years of life. Facebook does have a way of creating these diverse friend groups with people from almost every era of my life. Every morning I do 5 or more minutes of mindfulness meditation (just to experience being present) and 5 or more minutes of gratitude meditation for my health, my relationships, and my life work. During the relationship part I think about how lucky I've been to know and love so many different people over my lifetime starting with my wife and kids for the last half of my life, but also my parents, siblings, other relatives, classmates over the years, best friends, colleag...

I just met with my Medical Oncologists, Drs Costa and Carradonna, and we have a plan for the treatment plan. On Monday 9/8 I meet with the Brain Tumor Clinic and they decide how much radiation I will need, it will be 1, 3, or 5 consecutive weekdays of radiation to kill any remaining cancer cells that the brain surgery didn't remove.  Once the number of treatments is determined they will schedule them as soon as they can, but it will need to be at least 2 weeks after my brain surgery (which was 8/28). Once the radiation is completed, I will need 4 weeks for the brain to heal from the radiation before I can start systemic immunotherapy. During that time, I can schedule an Ophthalmology exam for the clinical trial requirements as well as new CT scans, MRI scans, blood tests, etc which have to be completed at most 28 days before the clinical trial begins.  If I didn’t try for the clinical trial, the timeline would be essentially the same so it won’t delay the start of my systemic ...